Thoughts from a pair of New York City 9th graders
There are kinds of celebrity. My 14 year old daughters have a pretty solid way of deconstructing it, and explained it to me at the beach this past Labor Day weekend. Here it is.
1. Carl Sagan / Golden Space-Record Famous
What it is: Being famous for producing works that managed to push civilization forward – usually in the domains of science or the arts and letters. The golden record metaphor is inspired by Nasa’s decision to launch time capsules in the form of gold records into space along with the Voyager missions.
Examples:
2. Famous for being good at something
What it is: Being famous for accomplishing things that enriched the world, or that measurably improved the quality of people’s lives.
Examples:
3. “Youtube” Famous
What it is: Being famous on respectable social media like Youtube, but not being well known on traditional (non-digital) media.
Examples:
NB:
Though the moniker is tied to Youtube, it could also mean Vimeo, Instagram, Twitter, or some other social media platform with mass appeal.
Not all famous people on Youtube are Youtube famous. Some are legitimately famous – like Joe Rogan. Others are actually just Tik Tok famous, and others are simply infamous
4. “Tik Tok” Famous
What it is: Being famous for making social media content analogous to slot machine near-misses – primarily on, but not limited to TikTok. This represents the most ephemeral of all the forms of celebrity – mostly because its devotees are so distractible or quick to cancel.
Examples:
NB:
Celebs in this category are always standing on the knife’s edge of fame – completely at the mercy of an internet audience known for being highly distractible, just one finger swipe away from the next big thing.
5. Infamous
What it is: Being well-known for doing things that diminish(ed) the world – sometimes in violent ways, but also in banal stupid ways. Essentially, being an antichrist, an asshole, a moron, a scoundrel, a bimbo, or just a dumbass motherfu**er with a megaphone.
Examples:
NB: Many people wonder why Hitler and Ted Cruz wind up in the same category. Here’s why:
People who fuck things up often point to their good/benign intentions as a reasonable defense (an alibi). Examples of such alibis are…
I’m just tryin’ to be real
I’m trying to defend the sanctity of human life
I’m on a mission from God
Who knew healthcare could be so complicated
They (the infamosi) are oblivious to the vast trail of causal calamities that flow from their actions and words.
Being the human equivalent of a wrecking ball, and later claiming that you intended to be a can of Febreeze is absolute bullshit.
The main difference between Ted Cruz and Hitler, therefore, is the type of wrecking ball each person happens to be. Their essential feature is not knowing (or caring about) the direct linkage between their words and actions and the wreckage those words and actions inflict on the world.